Cerita Lucu: Lelaki Sengau dan Pemandu Bas

Seorang lelaki sengau naik bas lalu bertanya kepada pemandu bas tersebut...
“Vang.. vas nih fegi hamfang ke…? ” (bang, bas ni pergi ampang ke?).

Pemandu bas itu berdiam diri. Marah kerana tidak dilayan, lelaki sengau itu pun turun dari bas.

Seorang lelaki lain di belakang pemuda sengau tadi pun bertanya kepada pemandu bas itu...
“kenapa awak diam tadi? kesian dia…”

Pemandu itu pun menjawab...
“Masham mana haya nak hawab…. haya hun hengau hugak.. hhanti hia hata haya hehek hia hulakk!!!……..”
(macam mana saya nak jawab.. saya pun sengau jugak.. nanti dia kata saya ejek dia pulak!!!)…

Cerita Lucu: British English vs. Malaysian English

Who says our English is teruk? Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc.


WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS

Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.

Malaysians: No stock.


RETURNING A CALL

Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?

Malaysians: Hello, who call?


ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY

Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?

Malaysians: S-kew me.


WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY

Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me..

Malaysians: No need lah.


WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION


Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?

Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can ah?


WHEN ENTERTAINING

Britons: Please make yourself right at home.

Malaysians: No need shy shy one lah!


WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE

Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.

Malaysians: Where got?


WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER

Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.

Malaysians: Don't want lah.


IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION

Britons: Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.

Malaysians: You mad ah?


WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.

Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.

Malaysians: Shut up lah!


WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.

Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?

Malaysians: See what, see what?


WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED

Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?

Malaysians: What happened ah? Why like that one ah?


WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG

Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.

Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!


WHEN ONE IS ANGRY

Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?

Malaysians: Celaka you!

Cerita Lucu: You, ve Got Mail

Seorang lelaki sedang memotong rumput di halaman depan rumahnya, ketika tetangganya, seorang wanita cantik berambut perang keluar dari rumah dan langsung menuju ke kotak surat. Dia membuka kotak surat itu lalu membanting pintunya dan meluru masuk ke rumah.

Beberapa saat kemudian, wanita itu keluar lagi dari rumahnya dan memeriksa semula kotak suratnya. Pintu kotak surat dibanting lagi dan dengan marah dia masuk ke dalam rumah. Ketika lelaki tadi hampir menyelesaikan pekerjaannya memotong rumput, wanita tadi muncul lagi dari dalam rumah. Terus menuju ke kotak surat, membukanya dan segera membanting pintu kotak surat tersebut lebih keras daripada sebelumnya.

Bingung dengan tindakan yang dilakukan wanita itu, lelaki tadi bertanya padanya, "Apakah ada masalah?" Wanita berambut perang itu menjawab, "Tentu saja ada! Komputerku yang bodoh itu terus-menerus mengatakan, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."