A Good Lawyer?

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
> 一天下午，有一个富有的律师在途中，看见两个人在路边吃草。

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
> 他觉得有点困扰，就吩咐司机停车。接着他下车查探。

He asked one man 'Why are you eating grass?'
> 他问其中一人， “ 为何你们在吃草？ ”

'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied 'We have to eat grass.'
> 那人答， “ 我们没有钱买食物，所以我们要吃草。 ”

'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you', the lawyer said.
> “ 那么，你可以来我家，我给你吃的。 ” 律师说。

'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree'.
> “ 可是我还有妻子及两个孩子，他们都在那边的树下。 ”

'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.
> “ 带他们一起来吧。 ” 律师说道。

Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us also.'
> 他转向另一个人说， “ 你也一起来吧。 ”

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, 'But sir, I also have a wife
and SIX children with me!'
> 那人说， “ 可是我也有妻子及六个孩子啊。 ”

'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.
> “ 把他们也一起带上。 ” 律师答。

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as
the limousine was.
> 虽然那是一部大房车，他们也费了九牛二虎之力，全部人才能上车。

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, 'Sir,
you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.'
> 途中，其中一人说， “ 先生，你真是一个大好人，谢谢你把我们全部人带来。 ”

The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 metre high!'
> 律师回答， “ 我感到很荣幸。你们肯定喜欢我的地方，那里的草足足有一米高。

Lesson : Don't trust kind lawyers. (Also, don't sent this to your good friend who is also a lawyer)!!
> 这个教训我们：不要相信仁慈的律师。也不要将此电邮转寄给你的律师朋友。

Funny Story : Letter to my husband

Darling,

Before you return from your overseas trip, I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not to bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake! The garage door is kinda damaged but fortunately the pick up came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry but I know you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you sweetheart.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.

Funny Story: Dear Dad

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.





Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-


Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.





I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together.





Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?


Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.


Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!


Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.


Your loving daughter,
Rosie.



At the bottom of the page were the letters " PTO".

Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:


PS:

Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.


I love you!

Your loving daughter,
Rosie

Funny Story: Teacher Jokes

Teacher Jokes

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead. "


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: " Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.


Child: "Why do you send me to school for."
Mother: "To make a man out of you."
Child: "But my teacher makes everyday a cock out of me."


A girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: "Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!"
The priest inquired: "Why must you pray so, my child?"
Girl: "That's what I've written in my answer sheet in the examination!"


When the teacher entered the class all the boys were standing.
The teacher said: 'Now, all of you sit down except those who are absolutely dull and duffers?' All the boys sat down except Rajan.
Teacher: 'Why Rajan? Are you absolutely dull and a duffer?'
Rajan: 'No sir. The thing is that you were standing alone and it didn't look good to me.'


Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".


Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".


Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Funny Story: Men's Logic

A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.


The Problem was who should get custody of the child.


The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.


The child Should be in my custody. "


The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"


The man sat for a while contemplating. ..then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...


Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"

Funny Story: The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.


Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!


There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.



There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!





So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .


On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.


*********

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.


*********

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.


" Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"


*********

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:


*********

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Engineer and Manager

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises that he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend
I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 41degrees N.latitude,
and between 58 and 59 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist, sounding a little irritated.

"I am." replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of it, and I am still lost."

The man below says "You must be a manager."

"I am." replies the balloonist,"But how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me
to solve your problem. And finally, you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

Three Man And A Genie

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager

New Motorbike

An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

"Where did you get such a rockin' bike?" asked the first.

The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly "Good choice - the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you."

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons,
Civil Engineers build targets

An Engineer And A Frog

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

4 Engineers In A Car

There are four engineers travelling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a Microsoft Windows computer engineer. The car breaks down.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer.

"Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."

"I thought it might be a grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."

They all turn to the Computer Engineer who has said nothing and say, "Well, what do you think?"

"Ummm - perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?" says the computer engineer.

It's About 3 Engineers & 3 Accountants

3 engineers & 3 accountant are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the 3 accountants each buy tickets and watch as the 3 engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are 3 people going to travel on only one ticket?" ask an accountant

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all 3 engineers cram into a restroom door and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says,"Ticket please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and aggred it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, then buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineers.

When they board the train the 3 accountants cram into a restroom and the 3 engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

In Flight Contest

A computer programmer and an engineer were sitting next to each other
on a transcontinental flight. The programmer leaned over to the
engineer and asked whether he would like to play a game. The
engineer only wanted to take a nap, so he politely declined, rolled
over toward the window and closed his eyes.

The programmer persisted and stated that the game was both very easy
and a lot of fun. He explained "I ask you a question - if you don't
know the answer, you pay me five bucks. Then you ask me a question,
and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay five bucks to you."

Again, the Engineer politely declined and closed his eyes. The
programmer, somewhat agitated, said, "OK, if you don't know
the answer you pay me five bucks, but if I don't know the answer,
I'll pay you fifty bucks!"

This caught the engineer's attention, and - seeing no end to his
torment unless he played the game - agreed to play. The programmer
asked the first question: "What's the distance between the Earth
and the Moon?"

The engineer wordlessly reached into his wallet, pulled out a five
dollar bill and handed it to the programmer.

Now it was the engineer's turn. He asked the programmer: "What goes
up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The programmer
looked puzzled, then took out his laptop computer and searched
through all his reference material. He tapped into the AirPhonex with
his modem and searched through the Internet and the Library of
Congress, all to no avail. Then he sent urgent E-mail inquiries to
all of his brightest colleagues, but could find no help anywhere.

After an hour or so he woke the engineer and forked over $50. The
engineer accepted the money politely and closed his eyes again.

The programmer, more than slightly frustrated, shook the engineer's
shoulder and demanded, "So, what's the answer?".

The engineer just smiled, reached again into his wallet, handed the
programmer a five dollar bill, and went right back to sleep.

Does Your Blood Type Reveal Your Personality?

According to a Japanese institute that does research on blood types, there are certain personality traits that seem to match up with certain blood types.

How do you rate?

TYPE O
You want to be a leader, and when you see something you want, you keep striving until you achieve your goal. You are a trend-setter, loyal, passionate,and self-confident. Your weaknesses include vanity and jealously and a tendency to be too competitive.

TYPE A
You like harmony, peace and organization. You work well with others, and are sensitive, patient and affectionate. Among your weaknesses are stubbornnessand an inability to relax.

TYPE B
You're a rugged individualist, who's straightforward and likes to do things your own way. Creative and flexible, you adapt easily to any situation. Butyour insistence on being independent can sometimes go too far and become a weakne ss.

TYPE AB
Cool and controlled, you're generally well liked and always put people at ease. You're a natural entertainer who's tactful and fair. But you're standoffish,blunt, and have difficulty making decisions.

Hokkien Nang

Sin Ga Po Jokes and Humor

Ah Lian asked shopkeeper,
"Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?"

Ah Chek replied,
"Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one?"

------------ --------- --------- ------

Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her.
So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.

"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"

"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.

"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"

So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"

So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.

"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"

------------ --------- --------- --------- ----

The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats.
So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy water to make room for women and children.

To the British he said,
"You must act like gentlemen."

They jumped.

To the Americans he said,
"You can be heroes."

They complied.

To the Germans he said,
"It's the rule."

They obeyed.

To the Japanese he said,
" It's the consensus."

They obliged.

Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up with the appeal:
"Free life jackets for those who jumped."

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti"
(In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread).

The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song.

The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming the DJ was insulting them.

The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.

Finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that they were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.

------------ --------- --

One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and wanted to get down to the ground floor.
As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2.
It was then followed by a G.

As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G mean.

Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G.

When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian,
"Wah low!!! How you know one?"
The first Ah Lian replied smugly,
"Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."

Tell about a haircut

The story of someone getting a haircut.

Women's version:

Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.


Men's version:

Man2: Haircut?

Man1: Yeah.

Yelow Roses

Here's to T-bone steaks, yellow roses and friendship. READ THIS!!!! and then reread it. Especially the last part...

I walked into the grocery store not particularly interested in buying groceries. I wasn't hungry. The pain of losing my husband of seven days was still too raw. And this grocery store held so many sweet memories.

He often came with me and almost every time he'd pretend to go off and look for something special l. I knew what he was up to. I'd always spot him walking down the aisle with the three yellow roses in his hands.

He knew I loved yellow roses. With a heart filled with grief, I only wanted to buy my few items and leave, but even grocery shopping was different since he had passed on.

Shopping for one took time, a little more thought than it had for two. Standing by the meat, I searched for the perfect small steak and remembered how he had loved his steak.

Suddenly a woman came beside me. She was blonde, slim and lovely in a soft green pantsuit. I watched as she e picked up a large package of T-bones, dropped them in her basket.. Hesitated, and then put them back. She turned to go and once again reached for the pack of steaks.

She saw me watching her and she smiled. "My husband loves T-bones, but honestly, at these prices, I don't know."

I swallowed the emotion down my throat and met her pale blue eyes. "My husband passed away seven days ago," I told her. Glancing at the package in her hands, I fought to control the tremble in my voice. "Buy him the steaks. And cherish every moment you have together."

She shook her head a and I saw the emotion in her eyes as she placed the package in her basket and wheeled away.

I turned and pushed my cart across the length of the store to the dairy products. There I stood, trying to decide which size milk I should buy. A Quart, I finally decided and moved on to the ice cream. If nothing else, I could always fix myself an ice cream cone.

I placed the ice cream in my cart and looked down the aisle toward the front. I saw first the green suit, then recognized the pretty lady coming towards me In her arms she carried a package. On her face was the brightest smile I had ever seen. I would swear a soft halo encircled her blonde hair as she kept walking toward me, her eyes holding mine.

As she came closer, I saw what she held and tears began misting in my eyes. "These are for you," she said and placed three beautiful long stemmed yellow roses in my arms. "When you go through the line, they will know these are paid for." She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek, then smiled again. I wanted to tell her what she'd done, what the roses meant, but still unable to speak, I watched as she walked away as tears clouded my vision.

I looked down at the beautiful roses nestled in the green tissue wrapping and found it almost unreal. How did she know?

Suddenly the answer seemed so clear I wasn't alone. Oh, you haven't forgotten me, have you? I whispered, with tears in my eyes. He was still with me, and she was his angel.

Every day be thankful for what you have and who you are.

foolish questions

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Don't U know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the"Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you afteryears...
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's justthe money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africamarry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ............it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!

11. You are fishing and a guy asks....................
Stupid Question:- Are you fishing?
Answer:- No, I was just drowning worms.

12. You've been living in a colony from the same time as your neighbour has been living. But suddenly one day your neighbour asksyou.............
Stupid Question:- Have you been living here all your life?
Answer:- I don't know.... I haven't died yet!

Inspirational....but Funny!!

Inspirational....but Funny!!

Here's some things to ponder on that concerns life in general....

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either.
Leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. If you lend someone Rs 20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

11. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

12. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

13. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

15. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

18. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

19. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.